I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
