Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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