Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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