I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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