remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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