I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
