you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
