I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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