saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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