if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
