my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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