:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
