i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
