I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
