I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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