C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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