Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
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He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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