my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
