it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
