Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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