I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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