I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
