Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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