I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
