Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
