Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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