he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
