he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need water and some morals
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
