How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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