apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
