I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
not ubering you a puppy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
