do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All the doctor said was why
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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