Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she peed on how many people?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
