And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
