There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
