I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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