is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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