they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
