this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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