so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
