i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
