If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
