You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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