I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
