After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
