I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
