What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
