Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
