Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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