I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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