Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
