my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
