He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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