Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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