dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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