i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
