my mouth tastes like poor choices
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
