I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
