I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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