I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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