Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
