3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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