I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
