"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
