i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
