omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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