you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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