dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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